Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
