If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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