It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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