I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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