When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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