I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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