Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
