There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
