Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
