If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
