yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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