People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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