I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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