toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
