so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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