the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
