Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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