why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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