Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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