okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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