Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
