Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
