I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
