I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
