so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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