I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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