Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!