We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?