dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
