I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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