Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.

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(212): This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING. http://tfl.nu/5495

Replies (2) Good night (1187) Bad night (1199)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

the vacuum is drunk

(703): View more from Virginia

what?

(908): View more from New Jersey

i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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(908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh

Replies (17) Good night (2871) Bad night (843)
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(954): View more from Florida

Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer

(1-954): View more from Florida

That Cesar Milan is captivating

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(954): Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer (1-954): That Cesar Milan is captivating http://tfl.nu/iuqa

Replies (4) Good night (1898) Bad night (789)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

(210): View more from Texas

S P E L L C H E C K

(808): View more from Hawaii

No you dumbass thats not right

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(808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5

Replies (14) Good night (3428) Bad night (1065)
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(315): View more from New York

There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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(315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy http://tfl.nu/q2vq

Replies (6) Good night (2139) Bad night (3598)
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(530): View more from California

You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.

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(530): You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her. http://tfl.nu/7jba

Replies (6) Good night (4079) Bad night (827)
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(407): View more from Florida

I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.

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(407): I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin. http://tfl.nu/suvt

Replies (9) Good night (1878) Bad night (946)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y

Replies (4) Good night (2975) Bad night (818)
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(619): View more from California

After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.

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(619): After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation. http://tfl.nu/dnza

Replies (10) Good night (3131) Bad night (782)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.

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(303): Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit. http://tfl.nu/weri

Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (1484)
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(714): View more from California

You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.

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(714): You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid. http://tfl.nu/jhks

Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (978)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now

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(779): Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now http://tfl.nu/zs7j

Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (570)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.

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(586): I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down. http://tfl.nu/ak0v

Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (389)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.

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(702): I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now. http://tfl.nu/mwa6

Replies (4) Good night (623) Bad night (235)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE

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(201): Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE http://tfl.nu/qbca

Replies (3) Good night (298) Bad night (486)

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