Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.