wakey wakey hands off snakey
Betty ford says i'm here all night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.