i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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