I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
