i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
