people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
