I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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