Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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