You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize