I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
