question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
