Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
