I hate all girls vehemently.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you never un-have a 4some
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
