Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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