worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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