i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
