id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
