Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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