Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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