If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
