Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
