If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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