dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
