if you like me you must not know who I am
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
