dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My bed smells like the plague
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
