i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
