Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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