Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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