hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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