8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
