Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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