lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
