My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
