just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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