No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
