I didn't shave. On purpose
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
