i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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